A close friend of mine looked at this jar and exclaimed that he loves strawberry infused vodka. Can you believe how unbelievably stupid some people can be? It is glaringly obvious that I am making vodka infused strawberries here, not strawberry infused vodka.
Just how amazing are vodka infused strawberries you ask? Let me put it this way. If strawberries naturally grew with vodka inside them then we would never get to eat strawberries because the farmers would eat bushels of them until they dropped dead from alcohol poisoning. They’re that good.
Imagine the soft texture of a ripe strawberry but with the lovable taste of vodka. Yum. My throat is tingling just thinking about it.
I find it best to eat a few dozen vodka infused strawberries at a time. This allows the alcohol to seep into your system so that you can forget what you’re currently doing. Do the vodka strawberries make your tongue burn and your body wish to vomit? Who cares, you’re drunk! Inebriation is the generous gift that vodka infused strawberries bestow upon all of us.
If all this strawberry talk is making you hungry, then I have some good news coming your way. Not only is making vodka infused strawberries fun, but it’s also easy! So easy that a child could do it. But don’t let your children do it. Kids are mean enough sober. Here’s how to pull it off.
First, collect strawberries, vodka, and a jar. You can actually make your child do this step because it is menial and boring.
Step two, put the strawberries in the jar. NEVER pour the vodka in first. A rookie mistake like that will land you right in the splash zone. Have fun cleaning those drops of vodka off your kitchen counter sucker.
Third step, let the jar sit for nine days. No more, no less. And don’t you dare take your eyes off the jar for even a second. Thieves are out and about, and they have their eyes on your precious jar. Trust no one.
Step four, delicately remove the strawberries from the jar with chopsticks. Your big meaty sausage fingers won’t come close to fitting in that jar.
Step five, flush the remaining vodka down the toilet and smash the jar in a nearby alley. You need to keep your eyes on the prize, and these are just petty distractions.
Final step: Strawberry city, baby! Guzzle those bad boys down like there’s no tomorrow and head straight back to step one.