The pepper deserves way more credit than it gets. Sure, if you google pepper it gets millions of results, but very few of those results actually acknowledge the greatness of the pepper. Some are for mediocre soft drink Dr. Pepper and the Red Hot Chili Peppers sneak their way into multiple results as well. This confuses and misleads people who are attempting to educate themselves on the glory of the pepper.
Just how heroic is the pepper you wonder? Well from personal experience, I can honestly tell you that I owe my life to the pepper. I eat at least one pepper a week, and I have not been stricken with diabetes, cancer, or the devastating Bubonic Plague. A pepper is kept in my refrigerator at all times, and not one robber has ever attempted to break into my home. Before bed I say a quick prayer to the pepper and whatever deity it represents, and last summer I was blessed with a bountiful harvest. This year I plan to pray extra hard to the pepper in hopes that I can grow my own blueberries. A man can dream.
If it weren’t for the pepper, I would be lying in a ditch right now clinging to a half empty jug of moonshine. My life was very different before I discovered the wonders of the pepper. Let’s try to not let it slip under the radar again this year.