5 Stars

Always cut your tofu into tiny blocks so they can all engage in the natural phenomenon known as tofu fusion and absorb each other’s flavor.

Be careful that you don’t get too carried away with tofu fusion though. Using more than a single block of tofu can have dangerous and unpredictable effects. A chef once put too many tofu blocks into a pan together, and a chain reaction was created. The pan turned into tofu, and the effect began to spread. The whole kitchen turned into tofu before they managed to stop it. There were no survivors.

Maybe a world of tofu wouldn’t be so bad though. If everything was tofu the world would have a lot less problems. There would be no more racism. No more violence. No more taxes. You can’t tax tofu. That’s a fact.

Humans are a lot like tofu already when you think about it. We’re soft, spongy, and absorb the influence of everything around us. We also get eaten sometimes.

Watch out for cannibals. They lurk around every corner, disguising themselves as ordinary people. Then you fall asleep and before you know it bam, you’re some cannibal’s cheeseburger. Is that cow cheese or people cheese they put on burger you? I’d rather not find out.

Tofu Fusion
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