5 Stars

How did apples make Sir Isaac Newton discover gravity? I’ve been staring at this one all day and I haven’t learned a damn thing.

I mean I’ve thought of a few things, but nothing that really shakes up our modern understanding of the laws of physics.

Here are some not quite epiphanies I’ve experienced while apple watching:

1. Green apples are usually more expensive than red. I could label red apples as green apples and sell them exclusively to the color blind.

2. What purpose does the stem on top of the apple serve? It’s no longer attached the tree so it’s basically useless. Leaving the stem on a picked apple is like if we left the umbilical cord hanging onto babies.

3. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away then what the heck happens if a doctor eats an apple? I think this is how you accidentally break the universe.

4. The longer I look at that little stem the stupider it looks. Go away little stem. Even if fruits could have friends then you would still have zero of them.

5. I can’t fit an apple into my pocket and this means that either pockets are too small or apples are too big.

6. Must destroy stem.

This Green Apple Taught Me Nothing
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