5 Stars

This right here is definitive proof that pickles do not magically evolve from cucumbers. When have you ever seen such a tiny, tiny cucumber? Never, that’s when.

For some reason, the majority of people believe that cucumbers miraculously transform into pickles through some sort of fairy-tale metamorphosis. The majority of people are also complete idiots. They are pickles, not butterflies.

Here are some alternative theories on the origin of pickles.

1. Peter Piper picked it. Peter Piper picked the pickled pickle and put puny pickle on table. Proud of Peter.

2. Every time a person dies a pickle is born. This is the true cycle of life.

3. Pickles actually evolve from carrots. In the same way that no one has seen Clark Kent and Superman in the same room, I have yet to spy a pickle and a carrot at the same time.

4. The government mass produces pickles to keep the public docile and harmless. No one has time to start a revolution when there are pickles to be eaten.

5. There’s no such thing as a pickle. Maybe we hallucinate them. Maybe life as we know it is just a dream. One day we will wake up in the real world and none of your friends or family will have even heard of a pickle. “What a dumb silly word” they will say.

The Mysterious Origin Of Pickles
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