5 Stars

I still don’t understand how eggs are not vegan but if you plant one then it grows into an eggplant and that is vegan. Nature is crazy.

This may surprise you, but eggplants are not the only things in the world that confuse me. The list is long. Here are some things about vegan food that baffle this vegan food critic.

If you dip green beans in blue paint then they are still technically green beans. They look like blue beans, but they are green beans. They are also no longer edible if you used lead-based paint like I always do.

Onions do not make elephants cry. Is there some physiological explanation behind this, or are the long-trunked beasts simply braver than us teary eyed humans?

Kale is extremely healthy but when I sell buckets of kale in my favorite alley the health inspector feels inclined to shut down the whole operation.

When plucked out of the ground hot peppers are luke-warm at best.

I can speak to the potato but the potato cannot speak to me. Does it even hear me or do my stories fall upon deaf ears?

If anyone can explain the eggplant or any of these mysteries then please email me or comment below. I will reward you with a personalized thank you card and a non-FDA approved bucket of kale.

The Eggplant Cannot Be Explained
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