5 Stars

spoonfulofbeanutbutterI’ve only met two kinds of people in my lifetime: People who like peanut butter, and Nazis. To be fair that Nazi had a peanut allergy, but the point stands.

Seriously though, anyone who dislikes peanut butter should not be trusted. Those people should all be rounded up and shipped off to an island. Like the show Survivor, but with no immunity challenges. If you dislike peanut butter then you do not deserve immunity. You deserve to slowly rot away on a floating rock.

If someone is allergic to peanut butter can that even be used as a valid excuse to not like the creamy goodness? No. These people are inherently bad. That peanut allergy is evolution’s way of telling us to stay away from that person.

This shouldn’t even be something that is controversial. Charles Darwin was writing about this stuff all the way back in 1859. If someone tries telling you that one can both have a peanut allergy and be a decent person then chances are that they also believe evolution is a fairy tale and Jesus was alive at the same time as the dinosaurs. But we all know that is false because religion would actually be fun if the Bible had a few pages about Jesus wrestling a T-Rex.

On the other hand, if someone has a meat allergy then that is something to be admired. These people are just a little bit further evolved than the rest of us common folk. I once met a guy who was allergic to chicken wings and only had four toes on each foot. It was like looking through a window straight into the future. If we’re lucky then by the year 3000 people will just explode if they even see a chicken. And they won’t have any toes at all.


Spoonful of Peanut Butter
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One thought on “Spoonful of Peanut Butter

  • May 2, 2017 at 10:38 am

    I saw that you posted this on FindingVegan Bloggers and guffawed. This is blog is a breath of fresh air! When I need to lighten up I will stop by.


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