This soy whip tastes just like unethical people whipped cream. It’s a vegan Christmas miracle!
Christmas is especially hard for vegans because everyone who isn’t vegan is essentially the Grinch. The only difference is that instead of stealing presents the Grinch systematically enslaves lovable animals and then devours them all. And that miraculous part at the end when their hearts grow three sizes? Yeah, that’s just heart disease brought on by a lifetime of guzzling bacon grease.
If Dr. Seuss wasn’t so dead I would ask him to write a new vegan version of the story called How the Grinch ate all the Animals and not only ruined Christmas but ruined all the other Days of the Year Too. I am unsure which of the many words in that title need to be capitalized, but I assume Dr. Seuss would have that under control.
Don’t be a Grinch this Christmas. Grinches use whipped cream. Using whipped cream has so many negative consequences that most ordinary people do not even consider. At best using whipped cream causes a cow minor discomfort. The worse and most probable consequence is that ten cows die for each can of whipped cream produced.
Use soy whip instead. Soy whip has never harmed a soul. Except for the infamous soy whip factory explosion of 1983. But we don’t speak of that. Merry Christmas.