All the fortune cookies I open only contain fortunes pertaining to the former Soviet Union. I don’t know if this is a long-running sequence of odd coincidences or a curse but I am really getting tired of it.
All my friends get fortune cookies with fortunes that make predictions about their own lives. Just last night I ordered Chinese food with my friend Todd. His fortune told him that he will travel to many exotic places in his lifetime. This was a pleasant fortune and it made Todd feel quite optimistic.
My fortune told me that Joseph Stalin’s centrally planned command economy will result in rapid industrialization. Why does this keep happening to me? The Soviet Union was dissolved before I was even born. These fortunes are more like historical facts than predictions. They don’t make me feel optimistic. They make me feel sad and confused.
For once in my life I just want a fortune cookie to tell me that happiness is right around the corner, or that my courage will soon be rewarded. Instead my fortune tells me that Sputnik will give Mother Russia an early lead in the Space Race.
Will I ever get a normal fortune inside my Chinese dessert cracker? I can’t say. All I know for sure is that Gorbachev’s glasnost policy will prioritize the freedom of public information to reduce government censorship.