5 Stars

Don’t worry folks, this Sea Monster Punch isn’t filled with fish eggs like I originally feared. They’re actually tapioca bubbles. It’s funny how sometimes you get your waiter fired over what turns out to be a total misunderstanding.

As a vegan food critic I have gotten many people fired. It comes with the job. Some of these firings have been less than intentional, but it is a small price to pay for vegan justice.

Whenever I walk into a grocery store I immediately call the health inspector and report that there are dead animals everywhere. It’s not illegal if it’s not a lie. That claim holds up better in my head than it does in court.

There is one profession that I fire purposefully though, and I get an immense amount of joy from doing so.

On Mondays I hire the exterminator. When he arrives at my house I smirk as I see his look of confusion set in. There are no bugs. He slowly realizes that there is no emergency as I frantically stated on the phone, and that my home has not been overrun by giant caterpillars.

Dread begins to appear on his face as I say the long awaited words. “You’re fired”. No creepy crawlers will be harmed today. Not on my watch. Vegan justice is swift and merciless friends. I advise you not to stand in its path.

Sea Monster Punch
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One thought on “Sea Monster Punch

  • March 7, 2018 at 1:53 pm
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    You waste people’s time. I hope your house gets infested by all sorts of bugs that way when you do call an exterminator they can tell you there not coming because ur full of shit.

    Reply

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