If Pixy Stix teach us anything, it is that all children have enormous potential to become drug addicts. Children crave the sweet sugar of the Pixy Stix like no other, and they will go to great lengths to get their grubby little hands on them. Heck, when I was five I traded my shoes for just half of one.
I even knew a kid who would snort these things when he was a youngster. And guess what he does now. Cocaine. In a crack house. And sometimes he smokes crack there too. I think we’ve found our gateway drug.
In fact, Halloween was invented by drug cartels as a way of making kids develop an addictive personality at an early age. Meeting up with some random dude in an alley to buy coke doesn’t sound so shady if you’ve been knocking on strangers’ doors in a Wookie costume just to get your hands on a fun-sized Twix since you were five years old.
Im going to start a rehab clinic where we turn drug addicts into candy addicts. Come in addicted to crystal meth, leave with a big back of rock candy. Would it really be helping anyone? I have no idea, but it sure sounds fun.