Are you feeling triggered by this honey bear? I’m feeling more triggered than a coked out feminist at a Ted Nugent concert. Is that a thing? Probably not.
I was offended once. It was at the local park, where I go on Wednesdays to spend my time feeding the ducks. I throw them slices of vegan pizza because the little quackers deserve better than the hard stale bread elderly folk usually chuck at them.
As I sat on the bench preventing duck starvation a mother and her two children walked by. The one child shoved the other and the mother said, and I quote, “Stop horsing around you two”.
Are you fucking kidding me? When was the last time you saw a horse shove another horse? Never, that’s when. That type of childish behavior is beneath them. I was enraged. Horses are noble creatures and I was livid upon hearing this woman compare those majestic stallions to her shitty toddlers that she clearly raised wrong.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that you should only be offended by stuff that is truly offensive. Racism, sexism, and most hate crimes pale in comparison to this inexcusable bear shaped honey bottle. Fury is the appropriate emotion here, and if you’re not feeling that you should go to a psychiatrist and explain that you looked at the honey bear yet still feel a void of emptiness within your hollow shell of a body. They will prescribe you the strongest medication they have and that is exactly what you need.