4 Stars

The pen is mightier than the sword, but what about the carrot? I tested it out, and the carrot left a lot to be desired. It would never be my weapon of choice.

The carrot could not defeat the pen or the sword in combat. I doubt that it could even defeat the boxing glove.

The carrot is looking unfavorably weak. Could it even defeat a simple child?

As I have stated before, a sturdy clove of garlic can easily knock a child out cold. You just have to aim for the head. Children have notoriously weak heads. That is one of their many weaknesses.

I am unconvinced that a carrot could knock a child to the ground. Perhaps a toddler, but probably not a full grown child.

Have you ever wondered why parents want schools to serve more vegetables and less candy for lunch? This is because we don’t want kids having access to weapons when they should be busy learning arithmetic.

Guns, knives, and hard candy are all dangerous weapons that could be put to bad use in the tiny irresponsible hands of children. So instead of giving kids rock candy hard enough to crush a skull we give them the harmless carrot.

So give the children nothing but carrots for lunch. Let them have their food fights. That way only feelings will get hurt, and bullying builds character. Emotional pain is essential to a well-rounded education.

Harmless Carrot
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