5 Stars

It only takes eight pounds of green beans to break your jaw so always chew like your life depends on it.

It might sound ridiculous, but it happens. It happened to me once. I grabbed a handful of green beans, threw them in my mouth, and before I knew it my jaw hit the floor. Literally.

Do you know how many green beans make a pound? 45. I did the math and it’s true. You only need to have 45 green beans in your mouth in order to cause permanent damage to your jaw. This is a dangerously low number compared to the hundreds of blackberries you would need to chew at once in order to cause similar damage.

I think green beans should be the next big thing you worry about your kids being exposed to. In the 70s it was rock and roll. The 80s, satanism. The 90s, the deadly gateway drug known as marijuana. In the early 2000s dreaded memes emerged to endanger our youth. And now, green beans.

Kids are tiny and stupid and are constantly putting themselves in danger. It’s only a matter of time until they start making green beans into a game. The little idiots will be posting YouTube videos challenging each other to fit as many of those pods as possible in their mouths. As the views pour in, the jaws will break.

We wanted the kids to eat their veggies. But not like this. Not like this.

Green Beans Broke My Jaw
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