5 Stars

garlicGarlic is famous for its power to ward off vampires, but did you know that it can be used to keep other things away too?

Children are small and weak. If you’ve got a rocket of an arm then it might only take a small clove of garlic straight to the dome to knock a child onto their tiny feet. I’m not saying this is legal or advised, but I’m also not saying that it won’t work like a charm. If I was speaking to you in person, this is the moment when I would throw you a sly wink. I am not a good winker but I believe you would still get the message. If for some reason you are looking to cause less permanent damage, sprinkle a bit of garlic onto a garlic knot and use that as a larger yet softer projectile instead.

Trick or Treaters are an annual nuisance that disrupts your nightly Netflix marathon. Those greedy little monsters thrive on candy, and despite their name will accept nothing less than a treat. Confuse and humiliate these costumed clowns by offering a single clove of garlic instead of the expected sweet treat. This is a long-term plan. After handing out nothing but garlic for several years, locals will become familiar with your disappointing holiday contribution and purposely avoid your house. If you are in need of a more short-term solution, keep in mind that the majority of trick or treaters are children. Whip a few bulbs at those youngsters, and the visits to your house should start to decline when the police arrive.

Create a life sized scarecrow out of garlic to frighten all the birds out of your garden. It will be difficult to build. I would recommend using straw instead.

Proceed with caution, because using garlic to drive away all of life’s irritations can become an addictive hobby. Before you know it, you’ll instinctively be using garlic to drive away your family and friends too. You will die sad and alone. You will also strongly reek of garlic and nobody is a big fan of that.

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One thought on “Garlic

  • October 28, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    Love your reviews! May I suggest adding recipes for your food reviews?


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