5 Stars

It’s funny that they call them chopsticks when they’re too dull to chop basically everything. I think they should call em gently cradle sticks.

Here are some other things that have wrong names and their suggested corrections.

Sandwich = Bread betweens.

Strawberries = Field forever berries.

Raspberries = Mini field forever berries.

Marshmallows = Fluffy horse hoof puffs.

Hot dog = Ungodly combination of unspeakable animal parts.

Honey = Pilfered bee goop.

Toast = Burnt but not too burnt bread.

Vodka = Dizzy juice.

Tequila = Mexican dizzy juice.

Rum = Pirate dizzy juice.

Gum = Chewy non-swallowers.

Bananas = Monkey sticks.

Tofu = Sponge candy.

Tea = Hot plant water.

Grapes = Baby wine.

Animal crackers = Propaganda that wrongly teaches children it is okay to eat our animal friends.

Avocado = Earth egg.

Fortune cookie = DON’T EAT THE PAPER.

French fries = Potato parties.

Butter = Cow cream.

Apples = Isaac Newton boppers.

I do not keep up with current events so somebody please let me know when they update the official dictionary to correct all the foods. Also please tell Webster or Oxford or whoever is the president of dictionaries that they owe me a lot of money and that I only accept cash and gold. Gold plated cash is also acceptable. Not silver though. I will freak out if they even think about paying me in silver.

Chopsticks Shouldn’t Be Called Chopsticks
Tagged on:     

Leave a Reply

Subscribe to see more vegan food reviews!