5 Stars

Babies are bad news. No one likes them. No matter what any parent may try to convince you, all babies are accidents. Baby carrots, on the other hand, are universally loved.

Unlike baby humans, baby carrots are not rude and messy. That is very important. Let me explain to you the other reasons why baby carrots are far superior to baby humans.

1. Baby humans are dumb. Even though baby carrots don’t even have a brain, baby humans are somehow dumber. They require constant supervision to make sure that they don’t die. Leave the room to grab a snack? Baby human is licking the electrical outlet. Look at your phone for a second? Baby human has mistaken your sharpest knife for its rattle. But you can put a baby carrot on a plate, go journey around the world in 80 days, come back and baby carrot will still be right where you left it. Very responsible.

2. You can eat baby carrots. This gives you a healthy dose of beta-carotene. You most definitely cannot eat a baby human. Doing so will only give you a minimal amount of beta-carotene but will earn you a maximum prison sentence. From what I can guess, your fellow inmates will not take kindly to you being a known baby eater in jail.

3. Baby carrots are orange. Baby humans come in a variety of colors, but orange is not one of them. A baby human will probably only be orange if you give them a bad spray on tan. Baby tanning is not as frowned upon as baby eating but is still highly discouraged.

4. Plucking a baby carrot from the dirt is a fun activity. You feel like a farmer and farmers are the unsung heroes that put food on our tables. Plucking a baby human is a horrifying experience. Babies do not belong in the dirt. How did you know where to find that dirt baby? The police will arrive soon to question you.

Baby Carrots Are The Best Babies
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