The groundhog witnessed his own tiny shadow last month and global warming is growing in power each new day, which means that summer is coming far sooner than normal this year.
Summer brings along many exciting activities such as volleyball and the outdoor swimming hole. Unfortunately, summer also gives way to a barbaric ritual that has haunted camping trips since the dawn of time.
Yes, I am speaking about the dreaded smore.
What’s so godawful about a smore, you ask? In short, everything. Here is a short play to educate you and your simple friends.
Dumb Camper: I brought vegan food.
Vegan Camper: What did you bring?
Dumb Camper: Smores.
Vegan Camper: That’s a horse hoof sandwich.
Everyone cries and goes home.
You may notice that you dislike this play. That is not only because it is painfully short on content and poorly written, but also because a horse hoof sandwich is eaten during the climax of the performance. Unknown to some, the gooey marshmallow that lies at the center of the smore is 99% hoof. I also have a suspicion that the other 1% may be hamster.
So this year when you go camping, don’t bring any marshmallows with you. Smores are just as good with carrots instead of those fluffy horse puffs. Also, bring a gun in case of bears. It didn’t help Leonardo DiCaprio in the Revenant, but maybe it will work for you.